He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
