Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
