All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
