No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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