She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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