If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
