the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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