We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
