He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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