we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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