holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
