I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
