You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
