Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
