Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
