i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
then he tried to convert me to islam
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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