i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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