He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
