I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
