tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
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it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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