Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
