I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
