It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
