He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
