I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
