Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
