god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
