It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
