I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize