I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
