whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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