im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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