It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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