What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The uberlube is also flammable
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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