God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
