is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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