dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
