I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
