maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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