I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
