It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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