I want to have your abortion
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
