I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
