Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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