Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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