Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
