a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
