I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
