were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize