His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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