just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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