somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
