Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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