I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
