I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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