...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
