Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize