Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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