Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
