im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
