I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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