She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
